Sunday, June 28, 2015

Drop the "E", Let's Talk about Marriage (e)Quality

After the glitter is swept up from the Pride parades and the Facebook profile pictures stop having rainbows over them, there is something a lot more difficult to discuss.  There are many opinions on both sides of the “marriage equality” issue.  People have been unfriending each other and saying terrible things to each other.  Regardless of where you fall, you need to be talking about, thinking about this: What are you doing to make your marriage be of excellent quality? 

Now that gay marriage is recognized in the United States there is a less popular, much more important conversation to address.  Drop the “e” and this applies to everyone on both sides of the fence: Marriage quality.  My hope is that everyone who has posted their opinion on marriage equality will also share their opinion on how to make a marriage great.

When I see people celebrating same sex marriage, I think of what marriage is to me: a faithful, monogamous relationship.  This isn’t a promiscuous, disease spreading lifestyle that is being fought for and argued over.  This is the ability to love one person and to be loved by one person in a mutually respectful relationship.

Marriage is not for the fickle.  It’s tough.  It requires commitment, respect and perseverance. All relationships are hard, but a faithful, long term, monogamous relationship seems scares in this culture.

For those who believe and fight for the sanctity of marriage, heterosexuals need to demonstrate and model good loving marriages.  We also need to model what it takes to be good parents and loving neighbors. Teach your children to love others and treat people with respect.  Stop modeling hatred and start modeling love.  Are you putting the maximum effort into your marriage?  If not, stop reading this and go kiss your husband or wife, really kiss them and tell them how much you appreciate them. Stop getting worked up over other people’s marriage and go get worked up over your own.  Now is the right time and it's even more important now than ever to be a role model of a great marriage.  Don’t worry, you can stop reading here anyway. 

For those of you who are heterosexual supporters of gay rights, you need to be sure you celebrate YOUR marriage, too.  You can recognize that this is not a simple task to cultivate a high quality relationship with your partner.  It’s not always fun to be a good husband or wife.  We need to support each other, (gay and straight) in our marriage commitments.  

*Short aside, I feel like my homosexual friends have put more time, money and celebration into their right to love each other than my heterosexual friends.  It’s time to take a cue from our homosexual friends and celebrate our marriages.  It’s important and worth fighting for. 

For the homosexuals, good luck with marriage.  I welcome you to the “club”, and wish you the best.  Please celebrate the privilege to be married, but understand there is a lot of responsibility and work required from you. Marriage might not be as easy as you thought…. But then again, most of you already know that because even without the Supreme Court ruling, you were already engaging in faithful, monogamous relationships.

Happy pride: it’s time to get to work. 

Here are the things I'm doing to make my marriage better quality
  1. Study: Reread the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and discuss with my husband.
  2. Celebration: Cherish and celebrate the time we spend together, whether it’s eating dinner on a week night at home or going somewhere special, I’m going to make an effort to be sure that my husband knows how happy I am to be married to him. I think it’s important enough to celebrate.
  3. Listen:  I'm learning to be a better listener and to take action when my husband comments that he would like something done. I am also learning to point out the fact that it was done because I was listening to him. 

What are you doing to make your marriage of great quality? 

1 comment:

  1. Some really sage advice from a young person with a great perspective on life. Great words to live by. BTW - 48 years together this year with MY soul mate, friend and the greatest women I've even known. When the good Lord comes calling for me, I know I'll have spent my life with the best person I could have. It take a willingness to make a marriage succeed. Failure is not an option.