The philosophy of time scarcity versus responsible contentment

A person living on the philosophy of time scarcity does not realize that they are simply complaining about their own choices and their own lack of understanding consequences.

Most have heard it said that time is one of your most valuable resources. It is very limited.  Each person’s days are numbered.  Time is so precious, that decisions about one’s time are some of the most personal and most important decisions one makes. Some of the most hurtful parts of relationships have to do with how one person chooses to spend their time.

A person living in the philosophy of time scarcity complains that they don’t have enough time (time is scarce).  They feel that they are running a rat race in which they have to get ahead and never can seem to do so.  Several times they feel that “things will get better with just one more activity”.  Or “if I only had more money/time/freedom I would be happier.” So they work really hard to cram as many things into the day, unhappy with the present and always looking toward the future with disappointment surrounding them.

It’s so easy to get into the habit of blaming a lack of time for everything. The truth is that the scarcity of time is not to blame for one’s own choices. One person doesn’t have fewer hours than anyone else.  Reality is that a person can only have so many priorities.  Once the priorities have used up one’s time, there is only so much left for things that are not really priorities.  Those things do not ever seem to happen, even though the person says (and may even believe) that they should.

Here are two examples:

·         Now that I have a toddler, I do not have time to spend with my friends.

·         Because my work schedule is so demanding, I do not have time to exercise.

Next time you hear that statement, translate it to this:

·         Now that I have a toddler, I do not choose to spend time with my friends.

·         Because my work schedule is so demanding, I do not choose to exercise.

Before replying with a smart ass “that’s your own damn fault response”, (even though that is true) think about this: Does that person really want to be “spending time with friends” or “exercising”  more than they want to be caring for their child or excelling in work? Are they just complaining to make themselves feel better about the choices they’ve made?  That person could simply be feeling guilty, but have no intention of making changes in their choices. A person can only truly have a few real priorities.  For example, most people’s priority list includes Family, Work and Religion (in one order or another).  After that, there is not a whole lot of room for all the rest of the stuff. But those priorities are not nearly specific enough to help a person make good choices.  Especially when work and family are pulling one in opposite directions.

Another example of a person living in the time scarcity philosophy is someone who talks of what could have been without realizing that they CAN change what will be.  “If only my line of work was paid better”.  Were you born into your job?  Do you have the choice to work somewhere else if you wanted to?

That complaint is only valid if there TRULY was no other choice.  In most civilized countries, you have a choice what line of work you want to be in, and you probably knew what kind of pay grade to expect when you entered that line of work.  If you are unhappy with it, it is up to you and only you, to change it.

Time spent cannot be taken back.  You cannot return time for a better offer (what could have been). Stop complaining about the choices you’ve made.  If you don’t like them, make better choices in the future.

Rarely are Olympic athletes able to compete in more than one sport.  I can be so much better if I only focus on ONE sport rather than trying to do two and being mediocre at both.

I chose only two priorities.  I am way more specific than “Family, work and God”.  I have two main priorities and everything that is truly important falls within these two priorities:

1.       Give gifts (including but not limited to) 

a.       Spending quality time by traveling with family and friends

b.      Work (If your work isn’t a gift, you should find another job)

c.       Cooking and being hospitable

d.      Volunteering to help others

2.       Spending time outdoors to admire God’s creation, get exercise and be healthy (mentally and physically)

It has taken me a long time to come up with this list, and it changes as I grow as a person.  Choosing those priorities has helped me to feel that I have ENOUGH.  I have enough time to do the things that are truly important.  I am so lucky to have a supportive husband who encourages me to focus on the few priorities that truly matter and not the less important things that do not.

This is what I have found works for me to be content with my time choices.  Next time you find yourself feeling like time is scare; ask yourself what you would give up to have the things you truly want.  And as you commit to things, ask yourself if they roll up to your priorities or not. Be good at few things.  Think through the consequences before making comittments.

Be responsible for your own contentment.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Poem to Mother

From day one, you were there,
Doing all the work,
then stepping aside to let someone else take the glory.


I learned so many things from you,
I grew into a beautiful woman,
and gave my dad all the credit.

I adored my daddy,
Looked up to him,
Wanted to be just like him.

In hindsight,
It is you that I want to be like,
You are the strong woman that I patterned myself after. 

Thank you, Mom, for picking out my wedding dress! You have great tastes!

Open Letter to Friend Re-entering the Workforce

Dear Friend,

Welcome back to the world of work! How are you adjusting back to long days in the office instead of long days at home? Is data entry more enjoyable than laundry and cleaning? I hope you are enjoying these first few weeks back to work. I know it will be a huge adjustment with a long list of pros and cons.

How's baby? Adjusting quickly I'm sure!

Are you getting back into the habit of packing a lunch and avoiding office junk food? I literally walk out of my way to NOT walk past the cookies, pretzels and candy at my office… I am powerless some days, and others I’m just fine with my apple and carrots instead of butter cream icing. Who am I kidding? That apple would taste better dipped in the icing!!

Anyway, here is a recipe for you that I enjoy taking to work.

Whole Wheat Wrap with Couscous:

Put a whole wheat Tortilla in a gallon sized Ziploc and roll it up.
Take about a 1/4 cup of cooked couscous and add 2 Tbs of Wheat Germ place in a microwave safe container. *Optional, add leftover meat or beans if you’d like.
Wash a handful of spinach and wrap in a paper towel.
In a separate container, put cheese and peppers and/or olives *optional add tomatoes, shredded carrots and/or cucumber.

At lunch time, heat Couscous mixture and tortilla. Spread the spinach on top of tortilla to provide extra strength for the wrap. Layer couscous mixture and cheese and veggies. Roll like a wrap and enjoy!

This recipe is extra healthy because there is no sauce/dressing needed. The couscous is moist enough to keep the wrap from feeling dry. This extremely low calorie meal provides a fullness and satisfaction, at least until the 3 o’clock snack!

Welcome back to the world of work! I hope you know that you have made excellent choices in staying home with you baby and then returning to work. Good luck in all you as you set out to find a work life balance! May you be happy in both!

I am proud of you!

Wishbone

I remember my mom’s short stubby fingers covered in dish bubbles as she handed me the wishbone from the Thanksgiving turkey, “You have to let it dry out first!” she said.

My cousin and I couldn’t wait. We spent the next day and a half debating what to wish for and whether or not the bone was dry enough for wishing and pulling.

I don’t remember what I wished for. But, I do remember that I was a little relieved that I lost. In my mind, if I “won”, then I’d feel sad that my cousin’s wish wasn’t going to come true. If I lost, then I wouldn’t have to worry about winning at the expense of another. Secretly, I really hoped the bone would split so evenly down the center that it would be ruled a tie and we’d both get our wishes.

My friend Val and I pulled the wishbone from a chicken last weekend. We didn’t let it dry. I knew what to wish for almost immediately, but, when I won I second guessed if the wish was something I should have wished for….As I get older my sense of “winning at the expense of another loosing” is getting smaller . But I’m asking myself if I’m wishing for the right things? I am wondering if my priorities are right.

A dear friend of mine, Missy, lost her mother today. She had COPD and had been sick for a little while, but it still must be very difficult. I would bet that right now she has only one wish- a wish for one more good day with her mom. One day where her mom isn’t in pain and where they can enjoy each other’s company.

Take that for priorities. Every once in a while, an event or a series of events casts a spell on our mind’s eyes- instantaneously making priorities crystal clear. Then life gets in the way and we forget. We get rude with the ones we love, we make stupid decisions, we get selfish…

I wish those life-changing events that snap our priorities into place would be less tragic, more often and fewer people would get hurt. That is what I should have wished for!

My thoughts and prayers are with Missy and her family. May the God of all Comfort be close to her.

Make it Real

Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? In a recent episode, Marshall’s father dies. Marshall and his dad are really close friends- they talk about everything! At one point Marshall says, “Things didn’t feel real until I told my dad…” The show goes through a montage of different serious and funny things like graduating college, finding collector’s items, breaking that collector’s item, etc. Each time he’s on the phone with his dad and his dad is celebrating or mourning with him.

I relate to that feeling. I am lucky enough to be friends with my parents. It didn’t happen overnight. It required my parents to allow me to become an adult in their mind’s eye, and for us to develop a mutual respect. Things don’t always feel real until I’ve talked them over with my mom or dad. They are some of the best friends I’ve ever had.

Furthermore, most every friendship I have had there is an element of things not being real until they are shared with another person or discussed in the aftermath. Allison and I in Ecuador would “re-hash” our experiences until we’d refer to certain events as “crystallized moments”. One of my fondest memories of living in the dorms at college is sitting on Heather (Kirby)’s bed to recount the events of the night before. And there was my good friend Gary Silka who was my confidant for gossip and grades through most of college.

My husband is a big part of “making things feel real” for me now, it’s funny how we can still talk on the phone for 20 minutes or more every day on our way home from work. My boss is also a sounding board. Things that happen at work don’t always feel completely real until I’ve complained to him about it (that’s a slight exaggeration).

As Heather said today, “Life is all about connections”. That is true, there are so many people I share stories with that make things real.

A big part of my relationships are now happening online. My best friend Ally and I email, chat and Skype online. We tell each other things as mundane as what we re eating that day, as well as the most important things to our hearts.

I keep up with my dear friends (and a couple of not so dear friends) through their Facebook and blogs. It is real to me that Shannon dropped her phone in the toilet (again), and that my brother’s food truck is having their grand opening on Saturday. It’s real that my sweet cousin broke her leg and my old friend from work has some of the most clever kids in the world!

But today…. Today there is something that I do not WANT to be real. Therefore, I don’t want to talk to my mom or my friends, I don’t want to post it on Facebook… I’m not ready to acknowledge it’s real…

Death is a shocking event- even when you know it is coming. It is so final. It is so harsh and cold and unforgiving. It’s completely messed up, difficult to understand. Wrapped up into it are so many religiously and politically loaded feelings, not to mention the fear of the unknown. There are so many sentiments, so many ways people try to draw a silver lining (live in your heart forever, etc) and so many clichés (“let me know if you need anything”- like the surviving family is really going to ask you to come over and feed their dog because they really can’t seem to make it out of bed the next day? Yeah right.). There’s no logic or rhyme or reason that I can understand and the emotions just keep coming even though I’m doing my darn best to shut them out!!

I could go on, but I will get to it.

Reluctantly, I will tell you. My very dear friend Rebecca Ebey passed away yesterday. She and I referred to each other as “sister”. Not only because people would mistake our long curly hair for being sisters, but also because we felt the close bond that you might expect from a sister. Rebecca was an only child, but she had a lot of “sisters”. Rebecca was beautiful, vivacious and effervescent. We were a lot alike. It feels like my “soul sister” is gone from the earth.

I take comfort in knowing that her pain is gone, she suffered for only a few months. For more information on the rare type of cancer Rebecca had, http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/.

RIP Rebecca Ebey, you will be greatly missed. sister!

Blame Disney

Recently I’ve been reading comments on news stories. This is relatively new to me because usually I try to avoid idiots who post comments on the Internet… I’ve noticed a trend- there’s a lot of blaming going on: blaming religions, blaming Bush, the GOP, the voters for not electing Sarah Palin…etc.


I blame Disney.

Disney influences the majority of the ways children and adults think. Disney owns a piece of nearly every household in the United States and many abroad. Disney reaches far beyond the children’s movies, theme parks and toys. They own ESPN, ABC and just recently they sold Miramax for enough money to buy a small country!

Disney has also set an example of excellence, especially with their Pixar movies. They have given the world a lot of innovations.

Disney forms children’s ideals for family, beauty, love and value. Overwhelmingly, Disney teaches children good, genuine lessons like not judging a book by its cover and believing in oneself. Disney models socially valuable behaviors, such as tolerance and diversity in race. Disney has molded entire generations into tolerant, self-confident but unoriginal, socially assimilated people. As a brand, the world accepts and recognizes Disney as an innocent, child appropriate empire. Through market penetration, Disney controls what people think about and sets an expectation of what should be tolerated. Disney forms the ideas that we call “politically correct.”

My generation has been socialized to be politically correct. Political correctness has gone too far! In the world today, the pressure to be politically correct seems to trump individuals’ rights to have their own opinions! Since we have been exposed to this since birth, and are continuously exposing ourselves and our children to “the empire,” it’s no wonder in our minds we don’t even realize when we favor certain minorities and not others. No wonder we are so comfortable with politically correct speech, or increasingly common - politically correct silence.

Being tolerant of people who behave completely contrary to what you think is one thing. Having to accept that behavior and “pretend” that it’s “normal” in your opinion is political correctness- and that’s gone too far for me! What happened to just being able to say, “I don’t agree with you?” It doesn’t have to spark an HR complaint or argument at a party.

Our forefathers gave us a responsibility when they gave us freedom of speech. It is not only a personal right to speak freely, but also a social mandate to be able to stand behind your opinions! The first responsibility of freedom of speech is to form your own opinions; you should mean what you say, and choose your battles carefully. The second responsibility behind freedom of speech is being tolerant of the other idiots who also share that same freedom. The key is learning to gracefully and peacefully disagree without compromising your right to your own opinion.

The good intentions of Disney’s lessons in tolerance and diversity, coupled with an overwhelming market share, have turned my generation into a sugar-coated, politically correct, boring cookie cutter society! We have become too neutral. In the workplace, at home, and with friends, I am afraid to say what I really think for fear that it will be perceived as “racist,” “classist” or “prejudice.” At one time or another I have been called all of those things…

Show me any one person who’s not prejudice about something!

Bad day

"Don't wait on me! Just go away, OK?!" I hissed, exasperated with my husband. I was at the gym, on the treadmill, on the home stretch to finishing the 5K program when he came over and wanted to talk (how much did I have left, should he wait for me, what's for dinner, was I going to the grocery store tonight?). He accidentally knocked the on-off switch and caused the program to reboot. I was going to beat my best (treadmill) 5K time and I really really wanted to know what my average pace was going to be, not to mention the calories and the satisfaction of seeing that "100% complete" scroll across the screen. I know, it's silly, like checking something off a list... It really only matters that the task was completed, not that it was checked off, but still!

To be completely honest, I called him a name first.

I had a bad day. There was a wreck on the way to work, the highway was down to one lane. I was feeling proud of myself for not being too upset with the delay and I got to right in front of the wreck and a red Audi came out of nowhere and cut me off! I had to brake so that I didn't hit her, even though I was only going like 5 miles per hour. I honked. Why, oh why, do drivers put other people at risk just to get ONE car length ahead?! Is it worth it?

I got to work, promptly did a task that was on my calendar, only to find out a few hours later that I was a week early! I had to send out the embarrassing "Just kidding..." email. If someone else did that, I'd laugh, I'd say we are all human! I didn't allow myself the same grace, I beat myself up over it for the rest of the morning!

Then, this afternoon, I was on a roll. I had several files open and I was doing some pretty tedious formatting, playing with the design and layout, and making the pages match... I was stretching my feet (without my shoes on), wiggling my toes, arching my back, and BAM! I hit the off switch on the power strip with my big toe! I put my head in my hands and told myself not to cry! I'd just lost the past 45 minutes of work... I considered whining to someone, but thought better of it (mostly from embarrassment) and grumpily tried to salvage my files.

When my husband accidentally rebooted the treadmill, the frustration from the day just about made me cry. Why did this day just keep getting worse? Why does it feel like I'm a character in a sitcom and all these crazy things keep happening to me!

Between work and the gym I stopped at the library. There was a line. I had one book on CD (audio books are a great way to keep the road rage to a minimum), and a lady with two kids in front of me had an armful and each kid had books. I wonder if she saw me look around at the other kiosks to see if any other line was shorter. This sweet lady said, "You can go in front of us, we aren't in a hurry." She was almost whispering and I felt really loud when I replied in a normal decibel, "Thank you!" I rushed through the checkout and thanked her again, feeling a tinge of remorse for being the one "in a hurry". Did she think I was rude?

That was the nicest thing that happened to me all day! She was being the nice car, letting me cut in front of her, and earlier I'd honked when someone jumped in front of me! It's really not worth getting so upset about the rebooting of a computer... or a treadmill... I'm sorry, husband, for getting upset over the treadmill.

To use a cliché from the Spanish language, "mejor mañana", it will be better tomorrow.