Within weeks of that I met the man who would later become my
husband. He fit the requirements almost
perfectly. It was uncanny.
Now I’m in my early 30’s and I’m wondering what I was
thinking when I wrote the requirements.
I’ve found myself questioning those requirements. Did I get it wrong? Why didn’t I think of the bigger picture with
some of those?
For example, one requirement was that the person be driven
in a career path. I was that way and I
did not feel like I could respect someone who did not have drive, specifically
to be successful in career.
I underestimated how difficult it would be to be married to
someone who put career as such a priority.
The past 6 months my husband has spent more weekend hours at work than
with me, canceled trips and worked months on end without a day off. It has started to wear me down. Andy Grammer
starts a song, “I know you didn’t think loving me meant so much time alone.”
(Kiss You Slow). Yeah. I didn’t think about that when I wrote my
requirements.
Recently, I’ve taken some new responsibilities in my own
career where I’m working more closely with developers. I am being challenged to gather requirements
for software projects, and fix issues on projects where requirements were not
gathered correctly.
I have a very smart person giving me advice in the
workplace. No, advice is too polite,
this person is pushing me out of my comfort zone with analogies, life stories,
and sometimes with comments that make me mad.
He’s changing my paradigm, and at times it’s almost insulting to me.
He told me “Nobody reads anymore.”- That rocked my world a little, people read (see my
point is proven, you’re reading this). But more important to my identity, what’s
the point of being a writer if nobody reads? That’s part of who I am, what I do... That point of view contradicted my self-image. But he got my attention to make a point; a simple user
experience in software is much more valuable than a well written, well laid out
instructional manual. (His example, “Do
you have to read a document when you order something from Amazon?” Well no.)
Additionally, he has told me "It’s not like it used to be. It’s not one set of requirements and you’re
done. It’s incremental releases. It’s continual improvement." The requirements and scope are never right
the first time. They are changing. That’s why software developers need better
processes like Agile and Extreme Programming.
It’s not about getting it done once and walking away. It’s about baby steps, slow change, small
changes that make a big difference.
Requirements are not static.
Just because you didn’t see one really important piece in the beginning
doesn’t mean you failed. It means that
you have to make an adjustment. And
you’re never going to be done. There
will always be more you can do with a SaaS product.
So, what does this have to do with marriage?
Ironically, a lot.
Instead of throwing the project out because the requirements weren’t
“right”, I see things a little differently now.
It’s not about the old requirements from almost a decade ago, it’s about
the incremental changes over the years.
It’s about improvement over time, and it’s never done.
The perfectionist in me is learning to be quiet. The writer in me is feeling slightly
betrayed. But the smart, resilient
person that I am is thankful. It’s not
very often that someone is able to change your paradigm and challenge you to do
things you didn’t think were possible…. And help you in your personal life
without realizing it.
I cannot tell you how important requirements are- they are
vital to get any project from start to finish.
At the same time, requirements are not that important. They are untrustworthy if any time has passed. They are quickly obsolete. And it’s ok to have planned obsolescion. Getting things right once is not the goal.
So many of my friends whose marriages have fallen apart say
the same thing, “people change”. My new
paradigm agrees that is a constant- people change, but so do requirements. My requirements list from 10 years ago is obsolete. I need to focus on some new requirements to improve my relationships.
First new requirement:
The year 2016 will include a vacation (that doesn't get cancelled) with my husband.
